Womanhood
“It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate. It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. ”
I used to be afraid of wearing bright lipstick or too-out-there clothes in public.
I felt like I was in a box filled with eyes constantly looking at me and judging me.
Then, one day, I did the magical thing.
I just shut the lies and walked out rocking that lipstick.
The journey began with a simple step.
I felt like I have to wait for the perfect timing to do this and that. But there is no such thing. The road is already paved out. Through our Yes, we fill in the steps otherwise left empty. We create the "perfect" timing with our Yes.
I put on my favorites clothes, slapped on orange lipstick and walked out of the house. I felt myself beaming with delight. That's right, all eyes on me! I realize God wants me to feel like this all the time, even without the clothes and makeup.
The lover of my soul celebrates with my creative expressions. He does not restrict my artistry, but walks with me through the process. He delights in my beauty not just as a father, but a lover who woos me into his presence. I'm not just a daughter, but also his lover!
2015 has been all about unveiling my God-given beauty.
This journey of discovery is a process full of beauty and wonder on its own.
The visual collection below capture my journey from February 21 to March 31, 2015. During these 40 days, I've experienced so much redemption in revealing my unique beauty instead of trying to fit into the cultural mold of beauty. The "mold" always felt like that trendy top that everyone wears, but never fits or looks right on me.
There were many tears, late night conversations, and prayers. There were fears of "maybe I won't look good" or "maybe I'm trying too hard" or "who the heck am I trying to impress anyways?" There were the dreadful lies repeating over and over again that this beauty I'm stepping into is all a temporary illusion. However, my heart flooded with peace whenever I come to this single truthful conclusion.
This journey is so much more than nicer clothes and trendy makeup. Your beauty shines different colors in different seasons. However, regardless of the shifting expressions, the essence of what made it beautiful remains.
The essence of my beauty is the reflection of the eternal imprint all over me that can neither be faked or masked.
On the last day of March, I landed on this moment.
I sang "I See the Light" from the top of my lungs in a random parking lot.
And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
My heart felt so light, wild, and completely free.
Growing up isn't what I expected. Yes, the Reality hits you with more responsibilities and expectations. But I realize I don't have to pretend to be all "put together" and serious when I feel confused and uncomfortable. I instead choose to make an adventure out of this unfamiliar new season by adding colors and fun. I'm not escaping from adulthood to remain forever a child, but rather allow the hidden possibilities and opportunities to spring forth out of uncertainty and doubt. Seeing with a childlike heart brings the play and joy into the otherwise painful and difficult transition into adulthood.
Sometimes you just gotta wear that plastic tiara - and embrace your inner princess. And maybe wear it with another who will remind you that you are not crazy - and most importantly, you are not alone!